How to Survive Early Grief
How to Survive Early Grief

Early grief is not an ordinary time, and ordinary rules do not apply.  These survival rules might give you something to hold on to- they seem simple, but simple helps.

Safety First
Sometimes you do not care one bit about your own “safety.” I know. If you are driving while crying too hard to see straight, pull over.  If you are about to get in the car, help yourself calm down before you start.  Distraught driving is dangerous.  Stay safe.  Do it for yourself.  If you can. Do it for others if you must.

Tend Something
Clean out the garden.
Water the plants.
Brush the animals.
Bake someone a cake.
Send a care package.
Thinking of others, or giving love,
or getting out of yourself for a while can help.

Get Outside
Being outside in a non-human world is a relief; the trees will not ask “how are you really?” and the wind does not care if you cry.  There is a lot to be said about being in places that don’t need anything from you.


Drink Water
Crying for months on end is really dehydrating.  Please drink water.  Your Body needs it.

The first weeks & months after someone you love dies are a world unto themselves.  Your normal tools for support or survival won’t work.  Words of intended comfort just grate.  Encouragement from others doesn’t feel good.  Positive thinking and platitudes can’t help. They just- Can’t.
Shower
Really, you will feel just the tiniest bit better.  The same foes for sweeping the floor or any other seemingly tedious and irrelevant task of hygiene.  Really.  You will feel just the tiniest bit better to be clean.

Move
Moving your body is likely to bring a little measure of calm.  Do yoga, go for a run or a hike, or take a walk.  Even to the top of the block and back is a good place to begin.  Not because it solves anything, but because movement is good.

Say No. Say Yes.
You can’t afford any big drains on your energy, and you can’t afford to miss too many ways to replenish it.  Say no to people, places and events that are too much for you, and say an occasional yes to things that bring even a tiny bit of goodness.

Eat
Some people eat under stress, some people lose all interest in food.  Some develop serious lasting physical challenges due to their “grief diet”.  Small doses of healthy, nutrient-dense food might be more easily tolerated by your mind and body than full-on meal. Do what you can. 
You know yourself best.
The core parts of you, the ways you care for yourself, the ways you find solace and connection - these have not completely changed, though they may feel irrelevant.  Grief pares things down.  You just need to experiment a bit.

Adding to this list, or creating a whole new one of your own, might give you just the tiniest roadmap inside a wholly disorienting time.  

Some things cannot be fixed.  They can only be carried.

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